Lets look at the to do list today…
clean mud of child
clean food of child
clean childs dishes
clean childs clothes
listen to hot potato
keep child alive
PLEASE GO TO SLEEP CHILD!!
Ok it’s not that bad at all…right?! Some of you may defer but have you ever felt ordinary? Life ever felt mundane, repetitive? Every felt trap or secluded? Voiceless and unheard? Overwhelmed and anxious? Especially if you are a mumma you can relate to the above checklist, i’ll be honest, there were times when I’ve felt like motherhood was a prison sentence rather than a walk in the park! It’s not like children come with a warranty slip that says…”If it breaks down in the first 5 years we will replace them for free!” And yes breakdowns there are many of them, perhaps more from me than my children, whatever the case I wanted to encourage some mums out there today, that you maybe feeling like a forgotten “extra” individual that is hidden by your season and overtaken by your duties, you maybe listening to your thoughts that scream, “you are ordinary and have no room to do much else or be much else!”. BEEN THERE GIRL!
About two years ago, I felt Jesus Jesus whisper to my heart when I had my elbows deep into dirty dishes, He said; “Want to live an extraordinary life? My answer was a “Are you kidding… YES!!” He went onto say, “you must first accept that you were EXTRAORDINARILY created to do and experience the EXTRAORDINARY! and I will turn the ordinary into something EXTRAORDINARY” At first I wasn’t sure of what he meant, but I let those words sink in, I realised that my self worth was dictating how I viewed and approached my daily tasks. I felt like a failure of a mother, that my two year old was already in need of a SOZO (inner healing session) and I that I may need to begin saving for his weekly counselling sessions. I thought I had let down my babies and my husband and I found myself frustrated and hating the season that I was in, I saw no purpose to it and my own ambition, “to be more than just a mum” became my worst enemy. I needed help and I needed it fast.
I began to allow Jesus to come into those broken areas, the battle field where the enemy was waging war on my identity. Where he was challenging my position and practice as wife and mother. I needed so desperately to run into the arms of my father and get away. But where would I find space I needed? Lets be honest, when you have children you loose your personal space, personal belongs, personal hygiene (jokes jokes!) I realised
that although my physical space was almost always occupied, my mind space didn’t need to be. I began to intentionally shift my thoughts by asking questions such as, “Jesus how much do you love me? Show me what my future in you looks like? What are you thinking Lord? What is on your heart?” and the big one…”SHOW ME THE VALUE AND MY VALUE IN THE PRESENT SEASON?!” I had to come to accept that I was of great value to my heavenly father and to my family. That my role as a wife and mum although sometimes mundane played a vital role in what we were called for as a family unit and as individuals. I had to find purpose in the present season (I will touch more on this in a future blog). So where did I find the space to go with two toddlers for the life altering season? Usually it was at my kitchen sink, my stove, on the toilet (you know what I am talking about, asking your hubby to hold the kids, even if you don’t fully need to go just so you can escape for a few minutes…no.. only me?) in the shower or DRIVING! I would put the kids in the car and just drive wearing ginormous dark sun glasses and a ear piece of course so that the other drives couldn’t see my tears and wouldn’t think I was talking to myself, sad but true. Sometimes I was so scared to return home because I felt as though if I opened my car door it would flood the street with the river of grief that filled that car. But I persisted, I would listen to songs (churched and non churched) and sermons that would help empty my spirit of the lies that were trying to take root and plant seeds of truth that would began to shift the way I identified my self as wife and mum, I would give myself something to listen to so that I would stop listening to myself or the enemy. At first I allowed Jesus to be my backseat driver, He directed me and encouraged me but I could still tell Him to be quiet when I needed to, I eventually allowed him to the front seat, cause well He was actually a fantastic travel partner, and I really began to enjoy his company. Then suddenly He became rather invasive, He wanted to take the wheel. I was upset at first, thinking to myself but then I released, He’s better at this anyway, I don’t really know where I am heading and my bleeding mascara is burning my eyes and fogging up my vision. I eventually reluctantly began to give my life over, my hopes, dreams, expectations, failures, triumph, my glorified and unglorified moments, my tantrums and traumas, my passions and my pursuit of them. I surrendered (mostly) but with a hand close by the wheel just in case.
He began drifting my life down new and exciting paths that consisted of big dreams that required much expectation, he began shifting my identity that brought joy into my daily tasks, I suddenly felt excited to be a mum and wife, because I found myself in a relationship with my heavenly dad that I never had known or experienced before. A new world opened up to me that was more than just my own, a world of revelation and visions. A relationship with Jesus allowed the extraordinary of His Kingdom to invade and shift the ordinary of my little domain, and I invited Him to be King of that too. The kingdom of God was being manifested in my home. Cooking was never the same, bathing my kids was never the same, watching a movie was never the same, sleeping was never the same, my marriage was never the same, looking after my kids was never the same. Nothing was ever the same. Did I have relapse days… yes, but it’s true that my disposition(mentality) sometimes swayed but His position stayed the same. He remained and still is a Faithful, loving, patient father and friend.
As new challenge then presented itself, now with big dreams in my heart and an of revelation what do I do with it, well that’s another blog for another day, I will address what it feels like to be pregnant with purpose without the right place to give birth and in the wrong season.
But for now, I want to encourage you to allow Jesus to come invade your ordinary life, your daily mundane tasks and make it them extraordinary. To shift your gaze, that you may be able to confidently look into the mirror and see an extraordinary individual, created by an extraordinary God! He is on standby (“the state of waiting to secure an unreserved place for a journey or performance, allocated on the basis of earliest availability.” via google). You may not feel like you have space for Him, let Him in, He will find a seat! You need Him on this journey, He has everything that will fill you and fulfill what you are designed to be and design to walk in. Where ever you are at right now, I encourage you, stop and ask Him this simple question, “Jesus show me your heart for me?” You’re not being selfish or self-centered. It can be about you! In order for us to love and show love to our neighbours (even our kids and husbands) we first need to learn to love ourselves. To love yourself you must first know the love that created you. GOD IS LOVE!
With all my love and celebration,